One Spouse Is Enough

I was watching my new favorite daytime television program, Anderson Cooper,  the other morning when he had the man and wives of  Sister Wives   on.    A few days before that he had some of the adult children of the Warren Jeff's FLDS Church group that had either left or been kicked out.

We know there were atrocities going on in that group.  The man has been tried and convicted of rape of a minor.  From what the adult children said, a lot of these men have many wives, believing they need at least 7 wives to get to the highest form of heaven.  They then go on to have dozens of children, in some cases 40 or more.   These men, from what I heard, do not have much interaction with these children and it is an old world ( to me) style relationship where the man makes all decisions and the women follow.  Okay, this is the extreme case.

Then we come to Sister Wives with  Kody Brown, his 4 wives, 16 children and another on the way.     I think when it first came on I watched part of one show so I am no expert here.  I also watched about that much of the television program, Big Love,  where the husband has 3 wives.  Anderson Cooper even said he can't see what's in it for the women.  He said " I get it for the guy."  The audience snickered and chuckled.      The Sister Wives women said they were welcoming and supporting of each other.  I have to say, having been a working mother, that every working mom would like to have a wife at home taking care of the daily house business.

This whole set up leads me to this.  Both of those programs, one real, one not, show these women living in their own houses. First of all, who can afford 4 houses?   On a practical basis only, there's a lot of stuff that can go wrong in a family with 4 houses.   I look at day to day issues in my own house. My garbage disposal stopped working. (Terry plunged it)  My  ice maker is not working right.  There are yards to mow. Gutters to clear.  Ok, these guys live in Las Vegas (because Utah was going to prosecute them.) so maybe they have pebbles.  There are usually leaks and dips or snow to be blown away or shoveled, depending on where you live.   I'm not saying women can't do all of these things.  I've been a single Mom.  I know what I can and can't do.  Basically I know what I don't want to do too. :)

16 children.  That means 16 different directions to go for school activities.  Then there are sports.  I know how many bleachers I've sat on with just 3 children.   16 children and one on the way.  Snicker snicker...  really?   That means this guy can never stops working.  (Terry swears he can't either, in this economy with the market going up and down).   But these families need a large income to support them.  I know some of the wives work so it is a family effort, just like most of ours own lives.

 I just know, at my age, when I was still working,  (about 2 1/2 years ago)  I was tired at the end of the day.  I'm glad I didn't have the ballgames, play practices, the teacher meetings, the homework, baths, hair washing, laundry,  etc,.etc that I used to do after I got home.  

Then we have the wives.  I'm probably going out on a limb here, but have you ever worked around  a bunch of women?  I don't want to fall into the stereotype but, we can be hormonal.  I have 3 daughters.  For 1 1/2 years, we had daughter #1's best friend living with us when they were teenagers.  Those girls could argue over anything.  I have 4 women friends that I have known for nearly 30 years.  We used to work together and we still get together.  I don't want to live with them and God knows Terry wouldn't either.  He's one of the good guys but he doesn't "get it" when comes to how I think.  I don't understand why he does or says some of things he does either.  It's the Mars and Venus thing.

The possibility of the reverse has been thrown out there.  I saw a clip of Sister Wives when one of the wives asked Kody how he would feel about sharing her with 3 husbands.  He said "That's disgusting."  I wanted to strangle him about then.   Personally, that is just way too much work for me.  Like I said, I can't figure out the one I've got and I've had him nearly 30 years.  

Some Things I've Learned

I am sometimes surprised at how my mind works.  Not necessarily in a good or bad way, but jumping from one thing to another.   Daughter #1 was telling me about an on-line friend of hers that has written 3 books.  Her name is Ellen Meister and the latest book  that Daughter #1 was reading is called, "The Other Life", about the direction a woman's life would have taken had she made a different decision when that fork in the road presented it's self.   Who hasn't thought that.  What if...???  I think we all would keep things the way they turned out because of children, or husbands, or any other circumstance that would have been affected.  I know I would have saved myself a lot of pain had I done things differently, but, I have a wonderful family now that I would still want, in spite of all the bad stuff.  It is like the Garth Brooks song, "The Dance". 

But, along the way there are a few things I've learned.

1.  You can never hold a baby too much.  You can never get enough of the sweet smell of that little neck and enough kisses on those little toes.  You only have months to get enough to last you a lifetime.  Then it's gone.

2.  Play dirt is the best dirt.  I loved seeing my daughters dirty from head to foot in the summer.  It was fun dirt.  Clothes and sticky fingers wash.

3.  The next time you have a family holiday "get together", take a minute to just stop and watch.  Give yourself the gift of that memory.  When our family lost my  Mother, 4  1/2 years ago, those big family gatherings stopped.  Adult children moved out of state or had commitments with their families and in-laws.  I didn't realize how precious those gatherings were.  I was too busy serving and being the hostess. I wish I had savored the moments.

4.  Remember your last first kiss.   That one I do remember.  It was nearly 30 years ago and I knew it was special then.

5.  Tell the woman in the mirror that she is beautiful.   She will never be younger, have less wrinkles, or need your love less.  I've been very critical of that woman in the mirror and I should have been much kinder.  I wish I had realized this years ago. I am still working on it.

6. Children do not come with instructions.  There is not a handbook on  husbands or wives.  Parents don't have all the answers.  We are all a work in progress.

7.  There are not enough hugs.....

8.  Bleacher butt is worth it.

If you've ever read this blog, you know I love music. This is one song that touches my heart, partly because my daughters have a similiar age differnce as well.

Men, What Can I Say

Because I am a long distance Mom and Nana, I have to be content with stories from my daughters, to lift my day and to keep me informed on the daily events in their lives. 

Daughter #1 called this morning.  Here is the update.

     Last night Brett ( age 9)  had  math homework. " I don't do math" she said  "Story problems give me a headache " so his Dad was helping.  Do you know, in math subtraction, they don't "borrow" anymore.  I don't know what they do, but they do have to show their work on how they got the answer.
 
      So after much discussion, she hears Brett ask his Dad, "How did you get that answer?"
       Dad .... " My brain just knows it."
       Brett, after a pause, " Yeah, well, that's not gonna work on my teacher."

      
Second Story:

 The husband was standing out in the snow, by the mailbox talking to a neighbor.  Daughter # 1 runs out, gets the big white envelope with pink hearts on it and runs back inside.  That's a  Victoria's Secret package.  She and I have both been managers of Victoria's so our husbands know those envelopes...you would think.  That night at dinner (Logan's Steakhouse) she asked him..  "How do you like my new pants? This is what was in the envelope."  

He said, "I ordered Carhart pants from Meijer ( a big grocery/clothing store). I thought it was my order." 

"No", she said, " it's mine."

His last comment.  " Are you sure?"   ( She is 5'2" 110, while he is 6'3" 250 )  There is that outside chance she could be totally wrong and be wearing his Carhart pants, dragging the legs behind her.

God Bless them.  They have to walk around and function all day with those brains.  My own dear man asks me some doozies too.  Of, course, right now, I can't think of any.  When I was working, my girlfriends at work, and my LARC friends would share "Stupid Man Stories".     I have asked Terry if men share those kind of things too and he swears they do not.   I think I will keep this title and  can go with it from time to time when I hear a Stupid Man Story.   This is not to say we do not love them dearly, but seriously, do they hear the things coming out of their mouths?

After 29 years of marriage, I am only now realizing I should have written those things down, like you do in a baby book.  Every bride should be given a "Things My Husband Has Said" book for a wedding gift.

There was the website, book and now a TV program on "*&^!! My Father Says".   We wives knew our husbands did that long ago.